Help Defined

This past week was very eventful, and not in any kind of way that I like. The fun began last Wednesday. I was ill. I'll leave the gory details out and mention only that between 4:00 am Wednesday and noonish on Thursday I did not leave my bedroom/bathroom area. I didn't even have the gumption to knit. I managed only one row on the second Bart sock before exhausting myself. On Saturday I was finally feeling like a human being again, so I started the process of decorating for Christmas.

I feel compelled to point out that I am a Christmas nut. I am the opposite of the grinch. I love the entire time between Thanksgiving and Epiphany (January 6.) I have more decorations than can actually fit in my home and buy or make more every year. I have about 75 Christmas books, some of which I can't read to my daughter because they make me cry every single year. We have a 9 foot artificial tree, more ceramic Santas and reindeer than you can shake a stick at, and enough lights to outfit an airport in an emergency situation.

Because I had been feeling poorly for the last few days, and because there was so much work to do I assumed that my family would be happy to help with the decorating effort. Based on the results that I saw it seems that we will need to amend the definition of "help."

Merriam Webster definition: 1: to give assistance or support to 2: to make more pleasant or bearable 3: to be of use to 4: to change for the better

Husband definition: To work on the computer for 8 hours. To not bring in the step ladder. To not bring down the boxes from the attic. To ask, while the living room is completely full of boxes, "Don't you want to bring up the tree first?"

Son definition: To play one of 50 combat shooting games on the XBox 360 while watching Mother make 6 trips upstairs carrying books. To groan exasperatedly when asked to put up the lights on the outside shrubs, then continue playing one of 50 combat shooting games on the XBox 360.

Daughter definition: To help get the boxes down from the attic. To stack them in the narrow hallway. *To haul the interesting ones into the living room, remove one or two decorations, unwrap them, put them on the floor. Repeat from *25 times. To hang ornaments on the tree from the underside, creating a Special Place.

After 3 days of this kind of valuable assistance I have 90% of the decorating done. While I am sure that given the chance I would be a loyal S.P.E.W. member, I sure do wish I had a house elf handy.